you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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