Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
