I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
