I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
