she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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