that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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