If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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