I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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