Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
