First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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