Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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