life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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