if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
