and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize