Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
