its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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