I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
