I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
