I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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