new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
