3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize