Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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