i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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