So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
