it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
