She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
