Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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