okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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