On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bring money and cleavage
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
