Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
