...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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