hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't turn off my feet"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize