I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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