barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
