why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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