Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
