well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
