did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize