Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
