her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
