Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
