Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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