what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize