Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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