I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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