ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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