Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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