No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
