giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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