i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
