I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
