im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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