the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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