he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
