if i can run in heels then i can drive
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
