when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize