I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fuck appropriateness.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
