After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
