I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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