I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize