so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
