I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
