seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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