why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize