your thong is hanging out like whoa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
