i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
