ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
