weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
