"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
