Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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