well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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