i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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