im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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