last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
