Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
