I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
