the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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