Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
