butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Shame - the story of my life.
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