your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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