this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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