The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
