I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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