we have pet lesbian snakes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
