dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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