If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pooping to opera.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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