Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
