ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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