During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
