Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
