I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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