i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
