I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
