hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
