Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
