I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize