You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
